Blind Ice (Razors Ice Book 5) Page 18

  Kate sighed and numbly acquiesced.

  On the way through the hospital doors, all she could think about was Logan lying all alone in a hospital bed, his career hanging in the balance, and the condition of his vision up in the air.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Tomorrow

  Logan’s stay in the hospital was made even more miserable by the fact that he’d given specific instructions that he wasn’t to have any visitors, especially a one Kate Kapowski.

  Despite his better judgment, Logan couldn’t seem to get past his pride. It was heavy on his chest and had tied his hands behind his own back, leaving him to stare at the ceiling of a hospital room like a deformed Cyclops. The six weeks of recovery time the doctors had given him was starting to feel like an eternity.

  He held his phone in his hand and tried to imagine the words he would say to her, but they didn’t come. He should have apologized to Kate, told her he loved her and needed her now more than ever. But he didn’t. He set the phone back down on the table next to him and sat in silence with one eye open and the other bandaged shut.

  Up until now, his life had consisted of ice and teamwork and a little round disc of rubber. Not IV drips and haggard nurses and grim diagnoses. No one had prepared him for this. It wasn’t in the manual—not that there was one. All he knew was that he wasn’t supposed to be here. And he couldn’t face Kate.

  Logan Murray was in the best physical shape of his life. He was talented, successful, driven and powerful.

  And he was scared as hell.

  * * *

  After the second day of Logan avoiding her calls, Kate tried to accept the truth. It was over between them. He obviously didn’t want anything to do with her. Personally or professionally. He’d made it clear. Crystal clear.

  But he’d been through a traumatic experience, she kept reminding herself. A hit like that would leave anyone rattled and he probably just wasn’t thinking clearly. It was a wonder he hadn’t suffered a concussion.

  So much for not being in denial.

  Kate didn’t know what to do. How was she supposed to play the role of supportive girlfriend—that’s what she was, wasn’t it?—when Logan wouldn’t even accept her calls or visits?

  All he had to do was tell her he needed time. She would have understood that, but the avoidance was too hard a pill to swallow. It was understandable at first, but now that he’d been released from the hospital, the silent message was loud and heart-breakingly clear.

  She didn’t know what to text, so she called and hoped the words would come when he answered. But she wouldn’t need to figure out which words to say. He would have to answer the phone in order for that to happen.

  Kate hung up the phone when his voice mail came on. He was tough as nails on the ice and yet he didn’t even have the guts to break up with her fair and square.

  Maybe that was just the way their love was meant to run its course. They’d gone hot and heavy and burned out like a match. Poof, gone. All that spark and heat disintegrated into nothingness. But she couldn’t believe that, could she?

  Her heart said no.

  Kate sighed and dialed his number again.

  * * *

  When Logan woke up, every muscle in his body ached. He’d slept for too long, but sleep was how he chose to cope with feeling sorry for himself. This wasn’t like him, he knew that, but ever since that puck had collided with his cornea, all common sense had been knocked right out of him.

  He glanced at the hockey stick leaning against the wall in his bedroom and thought about using it to tap his way around the room. It would be good practice, he thought bitterly.

  When his phone rang, Kate’s name popped up on the screen.

  Kate had little decorative soaps shaped like seashells in a little dish in her bathroom.

  Why that thought popped into his head now, Logan didn’t know. He just knew that although they were 150 miles from the ocean, Kate’s bathroom was decorated in a beachy theme with blue and pink soaps shaped like starfish and little conch shells. He didn’t have any feminine touches in his big empty house and he missed Kate’s cozy little bungalow.

  He missed Kate’s cooking.

  He missed Kate’s colorful dresses and shoes.

  Logan closed his eyes and imagined a world shrouded in darkness. Color—who could live without color in their life?—would just be a fleeting memory. The flash of a red jersey as his teammate passed the puck to him. The bright lights of the NorCal Center illuminating the screaming fans. The white dotted lines on the road as he sped down the freeway in his car. Kate’s red lips, curving into a smile as she laughed at something he said. The blue and pink soaps in her bathroom.

  Forget colors, he scowled and threw the stick across the room. The ache in his heart was ten times worse than the one around his eye.

  When he thought about losing his vision, bitterness seeped into his heart and coated everything inside of him with an inky blackness. Just because it was only one eye, didn’t make a damn bit of difference to him. Kate didn’t deserve half a man. Kate deserved a whole helluva lot more than some disabled ex-hockey player and he was the only one who could save her from the fate of being burdened with him.

  Kate wasn’t the only person he’d been avoiding.

  He’d talked to Cody and Trik and told them to spread the word that he was fine. It was far from the truth, but until he knew more about what the hell was going on with his eye, he didn’t want them to be distracted from their upcoming games worrying about his condition.

  And then there was his mother. She had been hysterical on the phone and his sister had been crying in the background. Logan reassured her that he was fine and begged her not to fly all the way out to California. If she had to come, he told her to wait until after the surgery when he would need her help the most. If he decided to go through with the surgery.

  Frustrated, Logan sighed and shook his head. This wasn’t what he wanted. He was supposed to protect the people he loved, not bring worry into their lives.

  He’d never shut people out like this before. But it was hard enough to face reality much less his friends and family. And Kate. God, he’d really done a number on her. He’d taken the one woman he’d managed to develop genuine feeling for—love for—and flung her away like Godzilla would an airplane. She didn’t deserve what he’d done to her. Hell, he’d treated her like a bona fide asshole for Christ’s sake.

  But the minute his lifeboat had sprung a leak, he’d chucked everything out into the shark-infested waters and dove in when he should have been plugging the goddam leak.

  He’d humored his teammates and family over the phone by telling them what they wanted to hear. But he refused to let them see him like this. He still had one good eye in which to see their looks of pity. And there would be pity, there was no doubt about that.

  When he finally came to terms with his situation, then he would let people back in, but until then it was just him and the pain.

  Logan looked down at the missed calls on his phone and frowned. Dr. Kapowski wasn’t going to give up, was she? She obviously wasn’t taking the hint and he guessed he could understand why. But what they had shared didn’t matter now, he told himself, although the words were hollow and unconvincing. Everything had changed.

  In a flash of anger Logan called her back and his hand fisted around the phone. He would tell her now, over the phone like the coward he was. That way he didn’t have to see her face when he said the words. It was time to rip off the bloody Band-Aid once and for all.

  She answered right away.

  “I don’t want to see you.” The words stung as he said them, but it was the only way.

  “But Logan, let me—“

  “Kate. I don’t want to see you.” Or more like, he didn’t want her to see him.

  He could hear her breathing and could feel her body heat as if she was sitting right next to him. God, how he hated himself for being the one to say such awful words to her.

  “Just leave me the hel
l alone.”

  There, he thought as disconnected the call. Wasn’t this what he wanted?

  He turned off his phone and threw it against the wall. It shattered and landed silently on the plush carpet next to the blade of the hockey stick. The phone was broken now, just like everything else. Ironically, it was the one thing that could be easily replaced.

  Somehow he knew he’d come to a fork in the road. And he’d just taken the exit toward heartbreak.

  * * *

  Kate walked through her office, taking in her surroundings as if it was the first time she was seeing it. The optical shop with walls of colorful eyeglass frames, spotless mirrors on the glass countertops, posters of models wearing the latest designer frames on the walls. The comfortable chairs in the waiting room, the efficient and ergonomic space where the receptionist worked. The lush ferns in the corner to create ambience, the art painted by local artists hanging on the walls.

  She’d worked her butt off to have her own practice. She’d climbed her way up from a space in a discount store, to a partnership with another optometrist. And now she had her own office. It’s funny how it didn’t seem to mean as much now. Especially now when she couldn’t even maintain the love of a man like Logan. A man she’d been convinced was in love with her in return.

  Yes, she loved him. She’d known for a while. Whether it was when he’d shown up on her doorstep after visiting the children’s hospital or when they’d gone grocery shopping together, she couldn’t pinpoint the exact day, but she loved him all the same.

  The rest of the day, Kate went through the motions and pasted a cheerful smile on her face for her patients as well as her staff. They didn’t need to know her love life had taken a literal puck to the face and that she felt like she was dying inside.

  Her thoughts were still with Logan even though he had chosen his choice and there was nothing she could do about it. One minute she’d been in a loving two-way relationship and the next she’d been shoved out of a moving car and left to stare at the taillights and cough up the dust.

  So, instead of finding a dark room to hide out in like she wanted to, she administered eye exams, filled out paperwork, and went along like everything was perfectly normal when it was anything but.

  Julia was the only one who knew just how much Kate was hurting. She and Kate didn’t have to have a conversation for her to know that Logan Murray had shattered her sister’s heart with his rejection. He wasn’t the only victim here. Just because he’d been the one physically injured didn’t mean he hadn’t inflicted emotional pain onto Kate as a result.

  Julia knew Kate wouldn’t have taken the risk after Carl and opened up her heart again to just any man. If this Logan guy was as great as Kate had made him out to be, then it would be worth teaching him a lesson. Sometimes men had a hard time seeing what was beyond their noses.

  Even if they hadn’t said the words out loud yet, Julia knew they loved each other before the freak accident happened.

  And love, no matter how fragile, was worth saving.

  Julia patted Shamus on the head, secured the harness on his back, and called a taxi. It was time she paid this selfish hockey player a visit.

  Chapter Twenty

  House Call

  When Logan swung this front door open, the last person he expected to see was the woman in Kate’s photographs. And she had a dog with her. A big golden retriever that wore a harness she was holding onto. The woman wore dark sunglasses and her short hair spiked out away from her head. The scowl on her face clashed with the happy grin on the dog’s face.

  She was so young and innocent looking that if he had never seen the photos at Kate’s, he might have thought she was there to sell him Girl Scout cookies or something.

  “Can I help you?” he asked Kate’s sister—or so he assumed. His head and eye were throbbing and he hoped to get her off his welcome mat as quickly as possible—whoever she turned out to be.

  “Are you Logan?” she asked.

  “Yeah.”

  “I’m Kate’s sister Julia.” She gave the big dog a command and sailed past Logan and into his living room.

  Holy shit! Logan thought as he grasped the doorknob. Kate’s sister was blind. Capital B. Capital L. Capital I can’t see a damn thing.

  Julia sat on the sofa, the dog sitting obediently at her feet. She would have preferred to pace the room while she gave Logan a piece of her mind, but that wasn’t possible in unfamiliar surroundings.

  Fortunately, a well-rehearsed speech could be effective from any platform.

  Logan closed the door and walked over to stand in front of her. He still couldn’t believe he didn’t know Kate’s sister was blind. Wasn’t that something she should have told him?

  After removing her sunglasses, Julia cleared her throat. “I had an entire speech ready in the cab over here. But I decided not to say any of it.”

  Logan crossed his arms over his chest. It was a defensive gesture, but she couldn’t see it. “What was the speech?”

  “Just a bunch of crap about how you’re lucky it’s just one eye and how if you had half a brain you would call Kate and apologize.”

  He opened his mouth to tell her she didn’t understand. But he couldn’t tell a blind person that, now could he?

  “Look, I’m not interested,” he said instead.

  “Like hell you’re not. If you have any feelings for my sister, you’ll stop acting so childish.” She plowed ahead with her non-speech and didn’t give him the chance to answer or defend himself. “Carl was a giant douchebag and I’d hoped you’d be different.” Unintentionally mirroring his body language, she folded her arms across her chest and huffed. “Well?”

  What did he have to say for himself after that?

  “Well…I…uh… You’re right,” he sighed.

  “Of course I am.”

  “But I’m nothing like Carl,” Logan defended and took a seat across from her on an ottoman.

  “I know. Carl never made Kate as happy as you do…or, more appropriately did.”

  “I don’t…God, I can’t believe I’m telling you this…I don’t want her to see me like this.”

  Obviously disgusted, she shook her head in disbelief. “You could look like the Swamp Thing and she’d still love you.” She cocked her head to the side. “You don’t look like the swamp thing, do you, Logan Murray?”

  “No,” he answered earnestly. He was bruised and swollen, but he didn’t look like the— Wait, did she just say Kate loved him?

  Kate’s sister didn’t elaborate. “Good,” was all she said.

  Then she stood up, gave the dog a command and he led her back to the door with an obedience that must have taken months to achieve. “I hope you’ll think about what I’ve said and start thinking about someone besides yourself.”

  As quickly as she’d walked into his life, Julia Kapowski walked right back out again.

  Logan stood up and looked out the window and watched her climb into a waiting cab. He didn’t expect to meet Kate’s sister under these circumstances. Then again, he hadn’t expected to get hit in the face by an errant puck either.

  Julia’s words rang true. And as unexpected as her visit had been, the message was expected.

  Man, she’d given him a helluva lot to think about.

  * * *

  Julia stopped off at Kate’s house, adrenaline still coursing happily through her veins. Shamus plopped down on his favorite spot by the fireplace and Julia proceeded to pace the small living room. Three strides to the sofa.

  “I had a word with your supposed boyfriend just now.” Three strides from the coffee table to the mantle.

  Kate frowned even though she knew Julia couldn’t see her expression. She would sense her displeasure in other ways. “Over the phone?”

  “At his house.” Three strides from the mantle back to the coffee table.

  “Why on earth would you go to Logan’s house?”

  Kate’s voice raised an octave and Julia held back a small smile. So, her sister wa
s still committed to this relationship. That was a good sign. A very promising sign.

  “I gave him a piece of my mind,” Julia answered. “A pretty big chunk actually.” Three strides back to the mantle where she bent down and stroked Shamus’s head.

  Kate sighed. Why wasn’t she surprised that Julia would do something like this? “He’s made it clear he doesn’t want anything to do with me. I can’t believe you went over there. And without telling me!”

  “What? So you could try and talk me out of it? He needed a new perspective on the situation and I’m the only person who could give it to him.” She stood up straight and stared in her sister’s direction. “You didn’t tell him I’m blind.”

  “If we had a brother who was gay I wouldn’t introduce him as our gay brother. Being blind isn’t your identity, Julia. It’s just one small part of who you are.”

  “Thanks, I guess.”

  “So, what did you think of Logan? When you weren’t yelling at him.”

  “He had a great voice. He sounds cocky, but not in an obnoxious way. He’s probably good looking and he knows it.”

  “That’s an accurate assessment, I guess.”

  “You didn’t want to introduce him to me, did you?” Somehow she couldn’t let the subject drop. “You didn’t want your perfect guy knowing you have a blind sister.”

  “No! Before all this happened we didn’t have the chance to get to the part where we introduced each other to our families. And I couldn’t tell him after the accident because he wouldn’t talk to me. And now he’s spooked about his sight enough as it is.”

  Julia went to the sofa and sat down. “I’m not really angry at you.”

  Kate sat down next to her and scratched behind Shamus’s ears when he joined them. “I know.”

  For a while they sat in silence, both of them knowing they didn’t have to fill the quiet.

  “So,” Julia said, finally breaking the silence, “tell me more about this fictional gay brother of ours.”

  * * *

  After having some time to think about it, Logan didn’t really appreciate Kate’s little sister barging into his home and poking her nose into his business. But she had given him the kick in the pants he needed to stop feeling sorry for himself.