Blind Ice (Razors Ice Book 5) Page 16

  Everything was empty and meaningless without her.

  All the problems he’d had with his life before were intensified now that he’d seen how things could be with the woman of his dreams. With Julia, he felt like all the pieces of the puzzle fit. The entire week he was in Red Valley he hadn’t felt that strange nagging feeling that had become a familiar part of his everyday life. The one asking him “is this it?” Quite the contrary. He’d felt warmth and happiness and…love.

  There was no doubt in his mind that he loved Julia Kapowski. What wasn’t there to love? It seemed to him that she’d kicked her blindness swiftly in the ass and didn’t let it hold her back one iota. That was one of the things he loved most about her. Her grit. If he had half the courage she had, he would be twice the man he was.

  It wasn’t just physical attraction either. They’d talked and talked late into the night and he loved how her mind worked. And he’d been worried they’d have nothing left to talk about!

  Gabe didn’t have much—let’s face it, any—experience in the love department and had spent much of his life buried in computer code. But the feelings she conjured up inside him left him realizing that there was more to life than code and plug-ins and syntax. There was warmth and friendship and family.

  And love.

  He’d deciphered the feeling blooming within his heart and he knew now to call it what it was. Love for Julia.

  Gabe had also discovered he liked being a part of her little family. Kate was incredibly overprotective of her and although he hadn’t met Logan, he knew the guy was smart enough to look out for Kate without stifling her independence. They all had a cozy dynamic and it was comforting to know that there were little pockets of people who cared for each other scattered throughout the world.

  The feel of Julia’s caress haunted Gabe during the flight and he relived their last night together over and over in his dreams. The way she had touched every inch of him, the way she’d kissed him, deep and slow. The way she’d given herself to him so completely, asking for nothing in return.

  How was he supposed to be content with writing code and analyzing algorithms when he had a clear picture of her in his mind now? He could see her nestled between her animals, her hair ruffled from sleep, a warm smile spreading across her pink lips. There she was at the keyboard, posture straight, beautiful music flying form her fingers as she worked her magic on the black and ivory keys.

  He’d tasted her, had drunk deeply from her, had nuzzled his nose into the crook of her neck and smelled her. The memories wouldn’t allow him to transition back into life in Chicago easily. And his heart wouldn’t either.

  Sure, Gabe liked his work—hell, he loved it—but had he immersed himself in it to avoid the realization that he was alone? Even if he had, it didn’t matter now. He was lucky enough to have Julia show him the error of his isolated ways and he wasn’t looking forward to returning to his solitary, work-filled life.

  This wasn’t going to be easy. He knew that. In fact, it might be the most difficult thing he’d ever done. He should have asked her to come back to Chicago with him. But he hadn’t been prepared. He didn’t plan on falling more in love with her after meeting her in person.

  He could play the coulda shoulda woulda game all day. Neither one of them was going anywhere and there was still all the time in the world to make plans for the future. For right now, she had a job and her life in Red Valley and he had business to finish in Chicago.

  Gabe had never given any thought to falling in love before. And he certainly hadn’t envisioned a life that included marriage and family. It was becoming clear to him that up until now he’d spent his life with blinders on. Focusing only on his work and what he could do to help people with disabilities. Now the spectrum was widening and he found himself wanting it all. Love, marriage, family…the whole kit and caboodle.

  Now he just had to figure out how to make it all happen with the woman he loved—from twenty-two hundred miles away.

  * * *

  Long after her apartment was quiet and Shamus and Cassidy had curled up and drifted off to dreamland together, Julia found herself alone.

  She moped around her kitchen, not quite sure what she was supposed to do with herself. Everything was different now, and yet it was all the same somehow. Life went on even when love was gone.

  Making love with Gabe shouldn’t have been that good. It was supposed to be mildly satisfying and mostly mediocre so that when he returned to Chicago she would be left with fond mediocre memories. Instead, the crater-sized hole he left behind made breathing damn near impossible and a pesky life requirement that hurt way too much to be considered normal.

  And he hadn’t just taken what he needed and discarded her when he was through. No, he’d given and given until she didn’t think she could take anymore. And he hadn’t given a thought to his own needs until she was fully satisfied and gasping from exhaustion.

  As many times as she’d imagined the scenario in her mind, the reality had shattered the fantasy to pieces and blown them into the wind like a silly little joke.

  She didn’t even want to shower and wash his scent from her skin.

  She wasn’t supposed to fall in love with him, she knew that much. But that was the funny thing about love. You could control it about as much as you could control the waves in the ocean or a wild animal in the jungle. And control or no control, right now Julia wished for some semblance of normal in a topsy-turvy world.

  Luckily, Shamus knew how to comfort her. And he was so in tuned with her that he knew exactly when she needed his attentiveness, too. He would take his big body and lean into her until she had no choice but to bury her face in his fur and cry away all the emotions she was feeling. When she’d thoroughly exhausted herself, he’d lick her face free of tears and she would feel better—at least for the time being.

  Julia picked up the glass pansy and clutched it in her hand. It warmed from her body heat and she ran her thumb over the smooth glass. The same way Gabe had stroked his thumb over her hand.

  Everything in her apartment held Gabe’s memory now. She trailed her fingers over the back of the couch, remembering how they had sat, snuggled into each other, holding hands, always holding hands. Then, she followed the hall toward the bathroom where he had showered that first day. She had stood, trembling on the other side of the door, wondering, imagining. Next, she went into the bedroom where they had slept in her little bed, legs thrown over one another’s, hands and fingers tracing over skin, discovering and bringing warmth with each curious touch.

  Julia squeezed her eyes tight and could hear his voice, his laughter bouncing off the walls and surrounding her with joy. She just wanted to lie with him. To feel his arms wrapped around her as she slept. She just wanted him here again.

  Back in the living room, nerves raw, Julia sat down at her keyboard. He’d kissed her here. As softly as a whisper. And she’d let herself surrender to him despite the fear of being vulnerable. Despite the pain he could cause after he stripped her of the walls that had stood guarding her heart for so long.

  With Shamus at her feet and Cassidy curled up on the bench next to her, Julia set the pansy aside and rested her fingers on the keyboard. The first note came forth like a raindrop, gentle and wonderful and then the rest of the sonata poured from her fingers like a violent summer storm.

  The familiar notes were like long-lost friends, welcoming her back into their comforting fold.

  Her fingers flew over the keys. When she finished her sonata, she moved on to the classics. Her interpretation of Bach’s Passacaglia and Fugue in C Minor was sad and full of longing. The music wouldn’t bring her any closer to Gabe, but it would set her heart free for the time being.

  She played until tears streamed down her face. She didn’t wipe them away, but let them fall and kept playing long into the night.

  * * *

  When Kate returned from Cabo tan and happy, she never expected to find Julia in a state of distress back home in Red Valley.


  She pulled Julia close and rocked her back and forth as she sobbed. There had been many other times like this when Kate had tried desperately to soothe her sister. After she’d first lost her sight, Julia had cried herself to sleep, mourning the loss of something so intangible and yet so vitally important. Kate had stroked her hair then and felt her heart break in two as Julia cried out “why?” over and over until her voice was hoarse.

  Growing up, they had slept side-by-side in twin beds in the little bedroom they shared. Sometimes Julia cried in the middle of the night when she thought Kate was asleep and couldn’t hear her. In the daylight she was brave when she could feel the sun on her skin. But as soon as darkness fell, exhaustion claimed her and she began to unravel.

  Now, Kate stroked her hair as Julia’s body trembled with sobs. As much as she’d endured and conquered over the years, her sister was still as vulnerable to heartbreak as the next person.

  Kate murmured words meant to soothe and comfort, but she knew Julia didn’t hear them. Besides, there was nothing she could say to dry her tears or to make Gabe come back.

  “It’s silly. I know I’m being silly. He has his own life in Chicago and I know that, but…” Julia let her voice trail off, frustrated with how vulnerable she’d let herself become.

  As much as she liked to do things—skydiving, bungee jumping—just to prove she could, Julia was a homebody at heart who enjoyed curling up on her couch with her animals just as much as going out and being adventurous. She could move to Chicago—she could compose her music from anywhere—but Kate would most definitely have a conniption fit if she did.

  “He’ll be back,” Kate reassured her.

  Julia nodded, not really sure she believed her.

  “When VINCE is complete there won’t be anything keeping him there,” Kate added.

  A flicker of optimism fluttered inside Julia’s heart.

  She could only hope.

  * * *

  Gabe didn’t bother unpacking, but tossed the duffel bag on the bed and turned right back around and left his apartment. In less than twenty minutes, he was walking through the shiny glass doors of Intelliteck, feeling more at home in the sixty-two story building than he ever would in his own apartment.

  Killingsworth was at a conference, which was a good thing because it meant that Gabe could work without the boss man breathing down his neck for a couple of weeks. He needed this uninterrupted time to finalize VINCE’s programming and get the ball rolling on its release.

  “Gabe! You’re back!” Wesley just about tackled Gabe before he could even reach his desk. “How was California?”

  “It was great.” He set down his laptop case and turned on his computer. “Red Valley was nice.”

  “And the girl?”

  Gabe smiled as memories from the past week resurfaced. “Amazing.”

  “Cool.” Wesley looked him over and narrowed his eyes. “Except I thought for sure you’d return with a tan,” he said with a smirk.

  They exchanged a knowing look before Gabe got down to business. Now that he was back, there wasn’t time to waste.

  This was it. This was the week that he and Wesley would work out the rest of VINCE’s kinks and ready the program for final testing. This was what he’d spent years of his life working towards.

  Wesley had already reassured Gabe that all of the glitches had been smoothed out while he’d been in Red Valley. Now all he had to do was go over the programming himself one last time.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Dead in the Water

  Logan looked around the locker room at his teammates. They were men from all walks of life, several different countries, and had a plethora of personalities. Team captain, Cody “CoLa” Lambert, always kept everyone motivated and pumped up. JD “Hollywood” Mason was the most mature of the bunch and wisdom rolled off the guy in waves. Patrik “Trik” Levine was just as competitive with Seb at how many women he could sweep off their feet as he was on the ice. Lucas “Lucky” Leighton was quiet in general and even more tight-lipped about his conquests, but everyone knew he never spent Friday nights alone—or any night for that matter. Resident goon, Pete “The Fist” Fontaine, could be counted on to take cheap shots at himself even though everyone knew he was the smartest guy in the room with a degree from Cornell to prove it.

  And then there were the goalies. Back-up, Nathan “The Con Man” Connors, was always quiet, mostly keeping inside his own head. And Alexadre “Sebby” Sebastien, ladiesman and wisecracking Russian, was the backbone of the team.

  As rough around the edges as they all were, a few of them had even found love in unlikely places.

  Logan figured it wasn’t so unusual that he’d found love on the other side of an optometrist’s exam table. Connors had settled down with Sarah, a shy hair stylist from Los Angeles. His former teammate Ben Price had fallen for his dog’s veterinarian’s assistant. Hell, even before Jace “The Ace” McQuaid retired, he got with his massage therapist and made it a permanent thing.

  Ooh, Logan thought, maybe he could talk Kate into oiling him up and giving him a massage tonight after the game. Just the thought of her running her hands all over him had him swallowing hard and adjusting in his seat. Even better would be her body slick with oil, writhing beneath him as he massaged her from the inside out.

  When Coach Baker entered the room and launched into his pre-game speech, all extra-curricular activities were put aside and Logan focused on hockey. As tempting as it might be, he wouldn’t let himself be distracted by anything. His teammates deserved his all and they would get it. Especially tonight. They were playing the Las Vegas Greenbacks, one of their biggest rivals, and pride, bragging rights and two points were on the line.

  Logan left the locker room with the confidence of a peacock. He felt fantastic and he planned on scoring a goal tonight—maybe even two. His teammates sensed his enthusiasm and he knew they’d do all they could to assure he got on the board tonight.

  “Tonight’s Logsy’s night,” Trik proclaimed. “I’m callin’ it.”

  “Let’s make it happen, boys,” Cody encouraged.

  Tonight was going to be a winner. Logan could feel it in his bones.

  * * *

  For helping out as the team’s back-up optometrist, Kate had the opportunity to watch tonight’s game from a luxurious suite. She settled into her seat next to her colleague Dr. Mallan and focused on the ice, bright and shiny beneath the overhead lights.

  The energy inside the NorCal Center was palpable. Excited fans, heart-thumping music, the smell of food…it all contributed toward the experience of seeing a hockey game live in person.

  And all the fans knew that when the Red Valley Razors played the Las Vegas Greenbacks, it was guaranteed to be a game to remember. When two rivalries came together under one roof, anything could happen.

  Dom “The Bomb” Devereaux, who had been traded to the Greenbacks, wouldn’t be playing because of an injury and the fans were disappointed. They wanted to get their first look at the D-man since he’d been traded to the Nevada team.

  Kate had seen her share of hockey games, but she’d never had a specific player to root for before. When the teams took to the ice for their warm-ups, she scanned the backs of the red jerseys for names. There it was.

  Murray.

  Without his helmet, Logan’s blonde hair ruffled in the breeze as he skated laps around his team’s half of the ice. He looked incredibly sexy in all his gear, even more sexy than he looked in a suit or his street clothes even.

  Butterflies fluttered inside her stomach and Kate shifted in her seat. They’d done everything under the sun together and she still felt a shiver whenever she saw him—even from all the way up in the luxury suite.

  Logan didn’t look her way and she was glad he was focused solely on the game at hand. In a sport where the participants wore sharp blades on their feet and brutal fights broke out on a regular basis, it was too dangerous not to give your undivided attention.

  There was beauty in the
game, Kate decided. Beauty and an art in the way the players knew right where to go and which direction to take and shoot the puck. And then when you let the noise overtake your senses, it became an intense battle of skill and determination. She wondered why she hadn’t made the time to come to a game sooner.

  She could easily understand why Logan loved it so much when it could overwhelm every one of the senses. People spent their hard-earned money on these tickets and, boy, did they get their money’s worth!

  When she closed her eyes she could still feel the energy pulsing around her and knew her sister would enjoy the experience. Kate thought Julia would benefit from coming to a game and decided she’d press the issue more when her emotions weren’t so raw. She had invited Julia to come tonight, but her sister had not-so-politely declined, claiming she could go to a hockey game any old time and that she didn’t feel like sitting amongst thousands of people who weren’t Gabe.

  “Are you sure you don’t want to come to the game?” Kate had asked. “It might help take your mind off things.”

  Julia had scrunched up her face and made a noise that sounded like a balloon deflating. “That’s the last thing I want to do. You go and have fun and watch your man be all studly on the ice and do manly things. I’ll stay here and organize my stamp collection.”

  “You don’t have a stamp collection.”

  “Then I’ll start one. Go forth and have fun.”

  Kate knew Julia just needed some time. The pity party would eventually pass and she would absorb back into her music again and look forward to her and Gabe’s next visit.

  When Kate opened her eyes again, a Greenbacks player deflected Trik Levine’s slap shot.

  And that’s when all hell broke loose on the ice.

  * * *

  The Greenbacks had stepped off the plane and onto California soil ready for a fight. Unfortunately for them, the Razors were ready to do battle as well. The NorCal Center was their building and they would do all they could to prevent defeat on their home turf.