Blind Ice (Razors Ice Book 5) Read online

  In the dark there were no distractions. Nothing to do but feel and taste. Give and take, take and give. The equal exchange created even more need, building up their desire until they gasped for oxygen, swallowing each other’s breath, swallowing it down and savoring the fullness.

  Gabe let instinct guide him and in no time he had her arching off the bed, ravaged with pleasure.

  She couldn’t wait any longer. She begged him please. For what, she didn’t really know. For he’d already given her everything. And she’d greedily taken it, gobbling up every last kiss and caress. He seemed to know what she was begging for because when he slid into her, long and hard, the begging ceased and she was made speechless by the feel of him filling her so completely and so deliciously.

  When he began to move inside her, slow and deliberate, she moaned with every new and delicious sensation. It was so wonderful that she felt weightless and heavy at the same time, thinking she must be floating over the bed and freefalling in an elevator at the same time.

  He took his time and drew out every kiss until she was gasping for air. Even though he anchored her to the bed with his body, she still felt like she was hovering midair somewhere between heaven and paradise. She clutched at the sheets, at his arms, his shoulders, desperately searching for purchase, not knowing where to grab to hold on for sweet, dear life.

  When he couldn’t hold back any longer, Gabe let himself fly and met her up in the clouds where they both soared until falling back down to earth and collapsing into each other’s arms.

  * * *

  Gabe looked out the hotel window and at the river down below. Julia was still asleep in the bed behind him and he enjoyed the soft sound of her breathing.

  She was incredible. Even more amazing than he thought he already knew.

  Julia Kapowski was more beautiful than any woman he’d ever laid eyes on. Her skin was dewy and flushed from where his stubble had scraped her the night before. Her short hair was tousled, lips pink and slightly parted as she slept…

  He had the urge to tell her how beautiful she looked lying there in the morning light, still sleepy from their night of limited sleep, but he didn’t. She lived in a world without outer beauty and he needn’t compliment her on the superficial. He only needed to make her feel the beauty of it. To make her feel that she was indeed as beautiful on the outside as she was on the inside.

  His week in Red Valley had made a lot of things clear in his life and had made others murky. The clarity he had gained about the woman in the bed behind him was expected and welcomed. The past year they’d spent talking over the phone had been the jumping off point for a beautiful relationship and now he knew he hadn’t imagined the chemistry between them. It was clear to him that she played an even bigger role in his life than he had realized before. And the thought of leaving her caused every molecule in his body to vehemently protest.

  And then came the murky part. Returning to The Windy City alone didn’t appeal to him in the slightest. But he couldn’t ask her come with him. To uproot her entire life to move to an unfamiliar place where she had no friends and no family was out of the question. He wanted to ask her just so he didn’t have to endure a single night without her, but he wouldn’t. She had everything she needed here in Red Valley and no matter how much he loved her, he wouldn’t ask her to give that up. It wouldn’t be fair for her to sacrifice so much.

  Gabe had a job to do in Chicago. To create something that would help people like her. And he would continue to do it and hope it was enough to fill the void that leaving her and being without her would create.

  * * *

  Julia emerged from sleep with the remnants of the most incredible dream tugging at her memory. She’d been with Gabe, their bodies melding together as one, fingers clasped together, tongues dancing. It had been a beautiful symphony of all five senses.

  While she waited for the remnants of the dream to fizzle away, she became aware of her surroundings. She wasn’t in her own bed, but a giant king-sized one with sheets that had a much higher thread count than hers at home did. The pillow was firmer than she was used to, as was the mattress. Shamus’s steady, familiar breathing came from the floor next to her.

  When she stretched and was met with soreness in her muscles and between her legs, she remembered it wasn’t a dream.

  But she had dreamt of Gabe last night. And she’d seen his face, clear as can be, as he moved over her body, loving her. He had filled her so completely and her heart burst with contented happiness as she thought back to the incredible night they shared together. He was amazing. He was everything she could ever dream a man could be. And he was leaving town tonight.

  She reached out and felt the space next to her and it was empty.

  “I’m here,” he said from somewhere across the room.

  Had Gabe enjoyed their time together as much as she had? The slow, deep kiss he gave her told her all she needed to know.

  She pulled back and smiled. “I thought you might’ve had regrets and took off.”

  “Never.” His voice was over her now. The mattress dipped as he climbed on the bed and straddled her. His minty breath caressed her face.

  “Hey!” she pushed at his chest but he didn’t budge. “That’s no fair! You brushed your teeth!”

  His lips tilted into a smirk as he kissed her. His minty tongue darted out to tangle with hers. She settled back into the bed and enjoyed the onslaught.

  Lazily, she stroked his hair, enjoying the feel of its silkiness gliding through her fingers. She had already memorized the length and texture of it, along with every other part of his body. The dip at his collarbones, the width of his shoulders, broad and strong. The way his torso, sprinkled sparsely with coarse hair, tapered down to narrow hips.

  The sounds he made during lovemaking were so entirely different from anything she’d heard him utter over the phone. And how his breath on her skin when he made those sounds had made her whole body shudder. She tucked the memory of them away where she could recall them when she was alone again.

  “You have a scar here?” she asked, tracing a line of puckered skin on his elbow.

  “Yes,” he murmured happily. Whoever was convinced that the life of a blind person was sightless was severely mistaken.

  “What from?”

  “Ice skating accident. My father was hell-bent on making an athlete out of me, but I never had the coordination for hockey. Or any other sport for that matter.”

  “And that disappoints you,” she observed from the nostalgic tone of his voice.

  “Not me, him.”

  “Parents have a way of overlooking what’s right in front of them.” She knew from experience. Her own parents had all but disowned her when her vision disappeared. She had been a disappointment to them whether she had brought blindness upon herself or not.

  Gabe held Julia close and wondered how all of the desirable traits of a woman could be wrapped up into one perfect package. He had no problem seeing what was right in front of him. And how much it was going to hurt when he had to walk away from it.

  * * *

  Gabe checked out of the hotel and they went back to Julia’s apartment. They both knew today was the day he would be returning to Chicago. There was no need to speak of it.

  He’d already pushed back his departure as late as possible and his plane didn’t leave until late that night.

  Lack of sleep from the night before had them snuggling in her tiny bed again, content to stay there as long as possible. According to Julia, a nap was one of the best ways to spend an afternoon, and she was more than happy for Gabe to join her. As nice as the hotel had been, she preferred the comfort of her own bed. She stretched out next to him and it didn’t take long for sleep to claim both of them.

  A short time later, Gabe opened his eyes to find himself alone in Julia’s bed. He smelled coffee and could hear the low sounds of the TV coming from the living room.

  He showered, dressed and hauled his duffel bag into the living room and dumped it
by the front door. Today was the day he’d leave everything he loved behind.

  No matter how much he hated leaving Julia and being away from her, he had to see this software through to completion. He had a job to finish and he would dive back into his work and submerse himself until it was complete. When VINCE was live, he could focus on sorting out his personal life. Until then, he’d plaster a smile on his face for Killingsworth and keep his nose to the grindstone. After all, Intelliteck was funding his project.

  Somehow he didn’t think of it as going back home because he didn’t have much of a home there. Chicago was just the city where he worked and not much else. Home wasn’t an empty apartment with no furniture and no love. Home was Julia’s little apartment surrounded by her pets and her textured fabrics and her forest of house plants. Home was falling asleep in her arms at night and waking up next to her in the morning. Home was knowing that the woman you loved was always by your side.

  Whether it felt like home or not, he knew he had to return to Chicago. And no matter how tightly he held onto her while he was here, he would still have to let go and board a plane bound for his future.

  Even after the incredible night they had shared, Gabe hadn’t told her he loved her. For one thing, it was a given. And secondly, what good would it do either of them to confess he’d fallen for her if he had to turn around and leave her in a few hours?

  When Gabe went into the living room, he found Julia listening to the weather forecast.

  “You’ll have clear skies for the flight home,” she said when she heard his feet shuffle into the room.

  Home. There was that ominous word again.

  Gabe frowned. She sounded pleased. Did she really think he looked forward to going back or was she just putting on a brave face for his sake?

  “There are breakfast burritos in the freezer if you’d rather not get something on the way.”

  Why did he have the distinct feeling that she was already nudging him toward the door?

  “Hey,” he said, moving in for a kiss. But she turned away from the sound of his voice and fiddled with the remote control in her hand.

  “Julia,” he said and sat down next to her on the couch.

  He took her hand in his, but she pulled away and stood up. Her face looked hard, like she was trying to mask her emotions, and her jaw was jerking as if her teeth were grinding together. She was upset and her expression betrayed her feelings.

  “Julia, I had the most am—”

  “I don’t think we should talk to each other over the phone anymore when you go back to Chicago.”

  Gabe felt the blow of her words as if they’d been a punch in the gut. “Wh…what the hell are you talking about?” Here he’d had the best week of his life and she was trying to break up with him.

  Oh, wait.

  He got it. Somehow he understood what she was doing. She was trying to protect herself from him. But the thought of going back to Chicago and not having their phone calls to look forward to was unthinkable.

  His shoulders slumped. “Why are you doing this?”

  “Doing what?”

  He mumbled something under his breath. There was no way he was going to let this happen between them.

  “Just because I’m blind doesn’t mean I’m also deaf,” she said angrily.

  She got up, marched stubbornly away and tripped over his duffel bag in the hall. Her arms flailed and she fell to the ground in a heap. Shamus yelped and rushed to her side.

  Gabe sprinted over and gathered her up in his arms. “I’m so sorry.”

  She felt around on the floor to find the culprit and her hands glided over the duffel bag. “Oh.”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t think it’d be in the way over here.”

  “It wouldn’t have been if I hadn’t been trying to escape through the front door like a coward.” She rested her head on his shoulder and found comfort in the feel of his warm body pressing against hers. “I planned on shooing you out the door and forgetting that any of this ever happened.”

  “That wouldn’t make it any easier.”

  “No,” she agreed softly. “But I didn’t know what else to do.”

  Was it really better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all? What could be so great about finding the perfect man and sharing an incredible night with him only to have him slip through her fingers the next day?

  “How about this?” He caressed her face and she leaned into him. “How ‘bout you give me one last kiss to remember and we keep taking on the phone? I don’t think I’ll be able to survive without hearing your voice every day.”

  She sniffed at the tears that threatened to fall. “But it will hurt too much.”

  “No. And I don’t regret coming here. This week has been something I’ll cherish forever.”

  “I don’t want it to end.”

  “I know, sweetheart. But you can’t break up with me, Julia.”

  “Why not?” she asked with a huff. “Wouldn’t it make things that much easier?”

  “Because I love you.”

  Those four words blasted past her defenses and bloomed inside her heart. “What?” Her own parents had shunned her—and Kate, too, by association. What reason did this man, this brilliant man, have for loving her? For demanding that she do the same in return?

  “If telling you makes my leaving that much harder then I’m sorry. But I’m not sorry for meaning it.”

  She sighed and finally let the words out that she’d been guarding so closely for so long. “I love you, too. I guess I have for a while now, but I just didn’t want to believe it.”

  She let her hands roam over his body one last time, knowing that in a day’s time she’d be missing him like crazy.

  “We’ll figure out a way to make this work.” He didn’t know how—short of Julia moving to Chicago to be with him—but they’d figure out a way. They had to. Fate didn’t just hand the love of your life over to you and then snatch it all away again. That wasn’t how things were supposed to work. Was it? Gabe sure hoped not. His and Julia’s love would just have to be stronger than the opposing forces around them.

  Julia clung to him and breathed in his scent, letting it brand her so that she could remember it long after he was gone. How was she supposed to fall asleep in her little bed now that he was gone? How was she supposed to be alone again after he’d broken through all of her defenses and claimed her heart?

  It would have been easier to hate him. To kick him to the curb like she’d originally planned and never speak to him again.

  But love wasn’t meant to be easy, was it?

  * * *

  After prolonging his departure for as long as possible, it was time for Gabe to go. When he’d planned this vacation, he hadn’t imagined it all the way through to the part where he had to say goodbye and go back home.

  “I have to finish VINCE and set him free to the world,” he told Julia, as much as a reminder for himself as it was for her benefit.

  “Yes.” It was a whisper, but he heard the word all the same.

  Gabe led Julia to her room and sat her down on the bed. Cassidy was already curled up in the corner. Gabe patted the spot next to Julia and Shamus leapt up, happy to comply.

  Gabe stood back, his hands resting on her slender shoulders. “Let me look at you.”

  She smiled bravely, not wanting his last vision of her to be wearing a frown and crying.

  Over the past week, he’d learned a lot about this woman and her extraordinary pets. He’d discovered how she memorized routes and relied on the kindness of strangers. How Shamus responded to verbal commands and gave her a freedom she wouldn’t otherwise have. The dog was not only her best friend, but they shared a partnership of trust.

  Gabe had also noticed Cassidy’s tendency to butt her head against Julia’s hand. The cat knew that if she wanted affection she would have to ask for it. She couldn’t always depend on Julia coming to her.

  “I’m taking a mental picture of you, here with your animals.�
� Gabe ran a hand over Shamus’s big head and silky ears. “Watch over her,” he whispered to the dog.

  When it was the cat’s turn for affection, Cassidy turned up her pink nose and pretended she didn’t like the man’s big hand stroking her.

  “This is how I want to remember you,” he told Julia. “Curled up here with Shamus and Cassidy.”

  Their last kiss was salty even though Julia swore she’d been holding back the tears. And then he was gone.

  One minute he was hugging her and then he wasn’t.

  Suddenly it was all over. The week, the warmth, the love between them.

  The front door closed behind him and he was gone.

  Julia gasped and buried her face in Shamus’s fur and cried.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Distance Makes

  Gabe’s return to Chicago was bittersweet. He’d finally met Julia and she was amazing in every way. Not only was she more beautiful than he’d imagined, she was incredibly talented as well. Their time together was wonderful, but now he found himself back home in his barren apartment. The place was even more depressing when he knew what he had waiting for him in California.

  In stark contrast to his apartment, Julia’s place had colorful pieces of art handing on the walls. What made them unique was the fact that they weren’t one-dimensional, but wonderfully textured and soft to the touch. She had explained to him that they were from a local artist who was inspired by her story. Always one to go against the grain, Julia liked to dispel the stigma of the blind not needing décor. Each piece meant something special to her and had been hand-picked according to what emotions they evoked when she ran her fingers over their texture.

  Gabe missed her already. Talking on the phone had been enough in the past, but after spending a week with her in his arms it wasn’t nearly enough. How was he supposed to go back to sleeping alone? How was he supposed to find fulfillment in a life that was lacking so many key elements?